Stop Being Mechanically Grateful.

Sometimes the feeling behind the words is more important…. Ever since you were a kid, you have been told that it is polite to say “please” when you are requesting something to be done for you and “thank you” after something has been done. For a well-brought-up child, these words are instinctive, but not every parent explains what true gratitude means. Unfortunately as sad as it sounds not every adult understands the concept.

For me, gratitude is not about mechanically saying “thank you” when the expected action has been performed. True gratitude comes from a place of understanding in knowing what it took for that person to perform that action, and then letting them know what difference that they have made to your life.

You acknowledge their effort and highlight how it mattered.

To give a work example, a staff member may have prepared that all important report for you. Instead of the mechanical “thank you” email or a pat on the back, would it be so difficult to mention that you appreciate that they had to miss their child’s bath/bed time to finish it? Maybe you noticed that they had to skip lunch to get it done. True gratitude comes from a place of caring and understanding. These people will feel that you know what it means for them when you ask them to do something. Next time you ask them to “please” do something, they will feel that you understand the extra effort they need to put in to complete the task and you are mindful of what it means to them. The request will have some emotional weight behind it, and they will be happier to do it because they know that you will be truly grateful.

Telling someone why you are grateful and understanding their particular effort is a virtuous circle…. Anything that makes someone feel good has a big impact on their lives. If you act this way with your colleagues and staff, they will likely start to act in the same way with people that they deal with. Being genuinely grateful takes time and effort, but when others feel the benefits, they will definitely consider acting in the same way when it’s their time to say “please” and “thank you.”

Now, here is the challenge….

In amongst the hundreds of emails that you receive every day, can you find time for the personal touch? The extra few sentences to show that you care will make a difference. Even better, popping around to someone’s desk to say “please” or “thank you” in person remains the ideal solution. The twinkle in your eye will let them know that you understand what if took for them to do it. Your smile will let them know that they have made a difference to you.

True gratitude impacts people’s lives – it gives them the motivation to keep achieving, and it’s the performance oil of successful corporate and social machines.

People can tell when you are being mechanically grateful. A thoughtless “thank you” is almost as bad as no “thank you” at all.